11 ways to have your child's love and respect for a lifetime

Nothing can break your heart as much as a strained relationship with your child. And nothing can make your heart soar as much as watching their lives prosper — and them wanting you to be part of it. Here's how to maintain a bond with them.

Research shows that adolescents who dine with their family at least several times a week are less likely to smoke and use drugs and they tend to get better grades.

• It's normal for teens to want to spend more time with friends than parents.
• Find ways to remain involved in your child's life.
• For example, make your teen's friends welcome after school. Staying involved is an important way of strengthening your relationship with your child.

• Spare the intimate details of very personal subjects, but confiding that you, too, occasionally feel angry, insecure or awkward shows your teenager that you're not just a parent — you're human.
• It can make your teen feel safe enough to disclose uncomfortable issues or feelings when they arise.

• Teenagers have opinions about, well, everything, and they aren't shy about sharing them.
• Allow them to make more independent decisions. Keep in mind that some decisions are non-negotiable.
• Parents still need to set curfews, and make decisions about drinking, drugs and sexual activity.

• Of course, they'll make the wrong choices occasionally. But if they're over 18, let them work out solutions to problems on their own.
• Didn't you want the same from your parents at that age?

• If you have an adult child, always call before you go to their home, unless it's absolutely necessary.
• If you're the parent of a teen, knock before you enter his or her room.

• You may be disappointed that your children — and their children — spend Christmas without you. But don't nag or complain about it.
• You may win a battle over which in-law's house they visit, but end up losing your child's respect — and a lasting relationship.

• "Does that seem fair to you?" "Can you think of a better way to deal with this?" "What would you do in my position?"
• This way, you're more likely to find a middle ground that you can both accept.

If any behaviour is troubling you, address it directly, using five little words: "Can we talk about it?"

If both your praise and criticism are heartfelt and valid, your child will learn to trust you.

• Don't try so hard to be your child's friend that you fail to set limits and earn respect.
• You can be friends long after your child is grown as long as you are the parent first.
• Studies show that teens whose parents establish rules have better relationships with their parents — and a lower risk of smoking, drinking and using drugs — than the typical teen.