8 ways to defuse family stress

The fact that you have diabetes is stressful for everyone around you. Try these eights simple tips to keep the lines of communication open in your family and conflict under control.

It's not uncommon to find that a close relative is more worried about diabetes than the patient themselves. The sources of such fears are often lack of knowledge and misconceptions about diabetes.

• Research knowledgeable sources to discover what diabetes is and what can be done to manage the disease.
• Share pertinent books and pamphlets and, if you are explaining diabetes to a child, use age-appropriate language.

Decide whether you want your spouse to accompany you to medical appointments, and make sure this understanding is clear between the two of you.

• You may prefer to discuss your diabetes alone with your doctor.
• On the other hand, it often helps to have an ally in the examination room to ask questions you didn't think of and to make sure that instructions are clear.

When you write up your monthly household budget, make sure that you factor in medical expenses like testing gear and diabetes medications.

• Money problems are the most common causes of marital problems — and divorce.
• The more realistic and up front you can be with your spouse about the effect that your condition will have on your bottom line, the better.

Your spouse has a vested interested in keeping you healthy.

Decide together what efforts you'll make to better manage your disease, such as a daily 30-minute walk after dinner or bringing lunch from home.

• When the two of you set these goals jointly, your efforts to manage your disease will be less likely to spawn resentment or arguments.
• For instance, you might decide that you will start taking a salad to work every day for lunch. If your spouse is on board with this idea, he or she might make sure that fresh salad ingredients are available or find special containers that make carrying them easier.

Family members who constantly offer unsought advice or lecture you about how you should take care of your health can drive you batty.

• Invite them out for a lunch or dinner.
• Being in public can help keep tempers from flaring.
• Calmly explain how much you love them, and tell them that you appreciate their concern. Then let them know what you think is and isn't helpful. Be as honest and open as possible.

At a time when tempers are cool, talk to your family about the direct connection between hostility and health.

• Anger and stress prompt your body to release hormones that drive blood sugar levels up.
• If you're the grumpy one, check to see if your behaviour is due to low blood sugar levels. Maybe talking after a meal is a better idea.

Lower your own stress levels, and the family's will follow.

• It's equally important whether you're a workaholic or you're retired to find outlets for stress and for boredom, which can cause its own kind of stress.
• Whether it's evening walks, knitting, reading or going to yoga class, make the time. You'll be better able to treat conflicts that do arise with calmness and compassion.

A growing pile of research links unhappy marriages with high blood pressure, high levels of stress hormones and depression.

• Help yours along by remembering to say "thank you" to your spouse at least once a day and offering to do small kindnesses without being asked.
• If your marriage is really in trouble, see a marriage counsellor.