What goes into "good" communication?

Modern wisdom says that the foundation of every happy relationship is good communication. But what makes some kinds of communication "good"? Let's get specific and take a closer look at positive communication habits that let the garden of a relationship truly bloom.

Think back to the beginning of your relationship: would you have even had a first date if no one had asked?

When you demonstrate the courage and security of voicing your thoughts and feelings, you make sure that your partner knows what's important to you.

If something your partner did made you happy, encourage them. If something they did hurt your feelings, let them know so they're less likely to do it again. There's no reason to leave them guessing.

Hurtful and accusatory language doesn't get good results. At best, it creates an emotional rift between partners and at worst, it's abusive.

Of course, it's perfectly natural to have angry, combative thoughts every now and then, but before you speak, try to think of a sympathetic, constructive way to express your feelings.

Expressing yourself constructively has the added benefit of modelling good conflict resolution for your partner so you eventually speak with the same tone and terminology during disagreements.

When you lie to your partner, it's like replacing your genuine self with a stranger. Even if you lie to avoid hurting your partner's feelings, you're making sure they don't see the real you.

In the long run, radical honesty builds trust, and no relationship can function properly without an abundance of trust.

However, this doesn't mean you shouldn't be tactful. Constructive honesty is not the same as bluntness or bad timing.

The content of your conversations is just as important as your tone.

Just as your relationship has moments of seriousness, intimacy, levity, and the everyday, so should what you talk about.

Don't be afraid to have a deep discussion about your values, but also get comfortable just joking around or talking about your day. This way, you'll never run out of things to talk about. Plus talking about a variety of topics will teach you and your partner how to be full, nuanced people around each other.

There's no perfect set of words or gimmicky practises for truly good communication in a relationship. You and your partner need to work out your own terms and preferences.

Some habits are universal, though. With a core of respect, positive language, and honesty, you'll avoid the confusion and conflict that can get in the way of a fantastic romantic experience.